"Funny...I don't remember Jean Kelly wearing a pair of assless chaps in 'Singing in the Rain' Tyler...or should I call you 'Towering Tyler'?"
This was the phrase that sparked the 'Towering Tyler' Saga between Tyler Lepido and Felix Draco, ending with a skimpy Catboy-Sherrif and a saddle for Tyler.
This begins what will be known among Warehouse Agents for years to come as...'The Wardrobe Wars'.
Wardrobe Wars: Origins[]
An introduction to the start of Tyler and Felix's "Embarrasing Costume Gift-Giving Tradition"
Tyler cautiously walked into the main office of the Warehouse. Ever since the Halloween party, Felix had taken to wearing a cowboy hat and smiling smugly at him whenever he was around. Tyler was keen to avoid him as much as possible until the cat lost interest in his little game.
Seeing no-one around, he made his way up the spiral stairs and into the HARP lounge. His curiousity was piqued when he saw a large wrapped box sitting next to his hammock. Picking the note off the top, he read it aloud.
"Sorry about the teasing, no hard feelings. Happy very belated birthday - Felix"
Tyler hesitantly opened the box and swore under his breath. Inside was a rubber horse mask and a leather saddle. Attatched to the mask was another note:
"For Bri or for me? Mount up cowboy ;)"
"God damn it, Cat-Boy! Tyler yelled out the wndow into the Warehouse. Faintly in the distance, he heard a horse whinny, followed by a loud laugh. "Oh, it is ON now. You've started a fight you won't win."
Round 1....START![]
Felix felt smug.
There was no other way to describe the feeling of delight he had from showing up Tyler by not only wearing the consultant's stripper outfit to the Halloween party, but also gifting him a saddle and horse head just to throw salt in the wound.
It had been a few weeks and Tyler had yet to retaliate. Maybe he didn't have it in him. This sense of victory caused his face to grow even bigger as he reached his office.
As he reached for the door, a package leaning against the door frame caused him to pause. Normally, he'd expect a bomb, or a flesh-eating bacteria, or some other kind of death trap, but the HARP logo on it made him realize this was Tyler's retaliation.
Picking it up, he entered his office/lab and cleared a spot for the box. Opening it, he found a stretch of yellow and black cloth that was in a Y-shape, a black mesh thong, a light chain, a yellow and black face mask, and a hand-written note.
I told you a that you started a fight that you can't win, so I thought what better way to FINISH YOU than a Scorpion costume. Don't worry, I hear some people like chains when they 'get over here'.
Picking up the outfit, he carried it over to a nearby mirror where he held the cloth up against himself, ~At least he got my size right.~ he thought, ~But this is sub-par in comparison to what I have in store for him...~
Buy One Kink, Get One Free![]
It was roughly three A.M. when Tyler was woken up by an unnatural noise. His eyes flew open and he sat bolt upright facing his closet. It sounded almost animal, a deep, low roaring sound. Slowly creeping out of bed, he grabbed his Sabine from the nightstand and edged toward the door.
In one fluid movement, he flung the door open and aimed the gun to fire. It took a second for Tyler to notice that the beast inside was simply a suit, though he was sure he'd lost a few years from the shock. Inside his closet was a lion fursuit, golden fur laced with black leather straps. In it's muzzle was a ball gag, and Tyler noticed some "adjustments" had been made to allow certain activities.
Pinned the the suits chest was a small note.
Time to let those fetishes out of the closet. I made you a suit, two kinks in one. Have fun, Lion-Boy.
-Felix <3
Tyler slammed the door closed and sat n his bed. Mockery this severe called for harsh retaliation...
Zombie Survival Kink[]
Tyler smiled devilishly as he carried a package across the Warehouse floor. He had whipped up Felix's retaliation after starting in on the new season of 'The Walking Dead'.
Juan was going to check on the Origin Circle when he saw Tyler pass in front of him. What piqued his interest was what he was holding, a package, a tape recorder, and a crossbow on his back.
Deciding to see what the Consultant was up to, Juan followed him.
After a bit, he realized that Tyler was heading to Felix's office. For a second, he thought that it had to do with the blackmail that he had overheard via the Creery Sister's bracelets between the two Warehouse employees, but he nixed the idea due to a lack of any country-western outfit or accessories.
Turning the corner to Felix's office, Juan was baffled by the sudden dissaperance of Tyler, but the items he was carrying laid outside the door. Going in for a closer look, he saw that the tape recorder was actually the World War Z Tape Recorder that they had picked up after the film of the same name had been released.
Tyler must be playing delivery boy for him. Maybe Aden is right and I am loosing it...
Later that day, Felix looked at the items that Tyler had sent them: a pair of tight, PVC pants that had a rather low-rise, a leather vest, a crossbow, and a tape recorder. The crossbow was more for show than an actual weapon and the arrows had dull, curved tips while the vest seemed rather well used.
Pressing the tape recorder's play button, Tyler's voice came out of the speakers:
"I see you decided to ramp up your game, hitting two birds with one stone with your last outfit, so I guess I need to try and match you. As you know, this is the World War Z Tape Recorder that we picked up after Brad Pitt besmirched the title. You should also know that as soon as you pressed play, the dead will be rising in your office. Now, you could try to fend them off or try and experiment for me. I've included the needed materials for a sexy Darly Dixon outfit, so I want to see if these zombies will behave differently to Daryl."
A moaning came from the room behind him as a banging began on the door. Despite the slight threat, he had to admit that Tyler had upped his game, actually making him wear the outfit this time.
Impressive use of artifact, Felix thought as he kicked off his pants and slid on the hugging jeans, I'll have to show you what I'm really capable of now...
The Art of Subtlety[]
Pete strolled through the aisles on his way to do some inventory. As he passed some teleportation artifacts, he stopped, midway through whistling the 60s Batman theme. Felix was tinkering with an impressive looking machine.
"Whatcha doing there, Drake? he said.
Felix looked up at the agent. "Planning revenge on Tyler. Want to help set up the air cannon?"
Pete stared at the set-up for a second, taking note of the fabric that was drooping from the barrel. "How much trouble will I be in if I say yes?"
Tyler was relaxing with a book when his Farnsworth started buzzing. He flipped it open to see Pete's face.
"Hey, Ty. Could you come down to the Hermes Wing for a bit. Artifacts need moving and no-one else is around."
"Yeah, sure. Be there in 5." He flipped the screen closed and walked into the storage area. There were other people in the Warehouse. Escher and Myka were meeting with Mr. Kosan and Artie about some recent missions. But it made sense if Pete didn't want to risk disturbing them. The HARP agent entered the section and saw Pete waiting just beyond an intersection near a door and some large machine. As he approached the senior agent, he was caught off guard by a sudden call.
"Tyler, think fast!"
From down the adjacent aisle, Tyler was blasted by a massive gust of wind. He felt an object hit him and panicked as he realized Marilyn Monroe's Dress was fitting itself onto him. Unbalanced by the blast, he stumbled through the door propped up on the shelf...right into the room where the meeting was taking place.
The artifact door slammed behind him and Tyler was left stranded in a room of his superiors, a very form fitting dress billowing around his waist.
Revenge Of The Agents[]
"You have to admit that it was hilarious." Nikki said, trying her best not to laugh as Tyler recounted his most recent humiliation by Felix.
"He almost got me fired!" Tyler snapped back, "Try having Mrs. F, Artie, Escher, and Kosan glaring at you while wearing a restless outfit."
After the most recent incident in what Pete had coined 'The Wardrobe War', Tyler had to fake a story about one of the Original Wind and Fire Wheels had found it's way to the Clothing Rack to avoid getting fired or face a disciplinary board.
"You're damn lucky I'm good at bullshitting to those IKEA customers," Tyler said leaning back, "But this requires a greater revenge. The regents are one thing, but what about Univille itself?"
Nikki leaned forward, "I'm listening, but how do you plan to get our shut-in feline out into the world while he's decked up in whatever embarrassing outfit you choose? Remember, he does have claws."
Tyler grined devilishly, "I think I know just the guy to help with that. I need you to head to the Film and Theater Wing to pick up something..."
Juan tried to focus as he did inventory in the Origin's Circle, trying to convince himself that he was sane. After all, no one, not even Mary would believe the wild stories of strippers, blackmail, and cowboys.
"Juan?" The Time Mage turned around to see the Tyler enter into the ring of artifacts, "How busy are you?"
"Depends, how do you plan to screw with my mind this week?"
Tyler tilted his head in confusion, "What do you mean 'this week'?"
Setting his clipboard down, he glared at Tyler, "Few months ago, I overheard you and Felix discussing your short lived career as 'Towering Tyler' thanks to the Creery Sister's Bracelets; next, the outfit appears in the Eros Section, but by the time drag Aden to prove it existed, it was gone only to have Felix wearing it at the Halloween party; finally, I find you delivering stuff to Felix's office where I find him in a Daryl Dixon outfit surrounded by zombies. You tell me I'm not insane!"
Tyler blinked for a few seconds, then laughed, "Juan...you stumbled upon a bit of a war Felix and I have going on. I was undercover at a strip club several months ago and that outfit was from my cover. Bri made me get rid of it, so I had to stash it in the Warehouse, and that's when Felix stole it and wore it on Halloween. From then on, the two of us have been at each other's throats with embarrassing outfits."
It was Juan's turn to stare, "So, this is as much his fault as it is yours?"
"Yep," Tyler nodded, "How would a bit of payback for making you suffer sound?"
Juan smiled cunningly, "Where do I start?"
Felix stretched outside the door to his office. Ever since the incident with the Tape Recorder, he focused more on his Damascus Steel project.
Once he started up the forge, he slipped off his long sleeved shirt and got to work pounding on the red-hot steel.
Strange...Tyler was usually faster with his retaliation. Maybe getting the Seven Year Itch while in front of the Regents did the trick.
Cooling the metal and sending off hissing steam, he looked at the hunk of metal and shook his head, tossing it into the slowly-growing pile of scrap.
As he went over to grab another piece, he felt two things; first, a hesitation in his whole body that didn't feel natural, and secondly...warm air all along his back. Looking down, he saw why the heat was a bit more comfortable on his skin, he was in the Slave Leia Costume that agents had gotten off the set of 'Return of the Jedi'.
This is Tyler's retaliation? I'll hand it to him that the outfit is clever, but presentation is poor.
As Felix was about to go back to work, he was hit with the full-body hesitation again. Suddenly, everything suddenly went dark.
Fumbling around, he found a door handle and turned it and pushed it open. What the hell...is this part of Tyler's plan?
Stumbling out into the lit room, Felix found himself in the bar that Claudia did open night mic night for. As his eyes adjusted, he saw that it was busy tonight, and all eyes were on him. Not only was did Tyler somehow manage to get him into the outfit, but he also managed to separate him from the Warehouse, leaving him exposed in more than one way.
Scanning the room, Felix glared when he saw the table of Tyler, Juan, Nikki, Pete, Claudia and Garrett sitting around a table. While most of the Agents just stared in stun, Tyler and Juan lifted a glass, devilishly smiling.
Felix's Coup de Grace[]
"The time for subtlety is over, this revenge must be swift and direct." Felix paced in his office as Joe sat at the bench, skimming some bluprints.
"I think subtlety went out the window with the last two pranks, but I'm listening. What's your plan?"
"Oh, I've been waiting for a chance to bring this up. This will either end the war now, or he'll end it after. Ether way, this one is my final strike."
Tyler had just finished uploading the pics of Felix fleeing the bar from last night to his laptop. The potential for future blackmail was too good to pass up. He stretched and got ready for some rest. As he pulled the duvet over himself he noticed an odd weight to the sheets.
Within seconds, he could feel tight straps winding around his body and the rush of endorphins flowing through him. Flinging the sheets off, his heart dropped at the sight of Terri-Jean Bedford's Bondage Straps, an artifact he hoped he'd never see again, ensnaring his torso. In his panic, he didn't hear the sounds of the people rushing into his room.
"We got the message, Ty, what's-" Nikki cut herself off as she saw the state her fellow harp member was in. She stood in stunned silence for a few seconds as Bri, Matt, Blaine, Juan, Sandy, and Joe piled into the room, each either holding a cellphone or a Sabine.
Tyler moaned in dismay as he felt the artifact sending his libido into overdrive. There was no goo nearby, and the straps didn't come off easily otherwise.
From his desk, Felix watched the scene play out thanks to the spycam in Joe's buttonhole. Beside him was Tyler's cell, swiped earlier that day, and on the screen was a copy of the last message sent to several agents.
-Come 2 my room asap. Need hlp. Urgnt.-
"Game, set and match, Lepido."
Sealing The Coffin[]
-Meet in HARP Office, no tricks, I swear-
That was the text from Tyler that Felix had just recieved. While highly suspicious, he knew the HARP agents couldn't top his...impressive display of tactial humiliation.
I'm sure the others got an eyeful. At least Bri managed to pull herself together to shoo everyone out so she could "take care of things" with Tyler.
Entering the Office, he found Tyler looking dejected as he sat in one of the recliners while a green screen, a camera, and a large box of outifts sat in the corner.
"Why the long face Leppy, did your newest revenge scheme get exposed?" Felix laughed as he sat across from him.
Tyler looked up at him, a bit pissed, "This stuff isn't mine..."
"...It's mine." Felix looked up to see Juan standing in the doorway, holding a familiar looking whip as he walked in and shut the door behind them.
Felix looked at the Time Mage, "What the hell Juan? Seeing both of us in different states of undress not good enough?"
Juan laughed, "This isn't entirely for my pleasure, but rather to keep the two of you in line. You see, between the two of you driving me insane the last few months coupled with the pandemonium you've been wrecking, I think a bit of serious blackmail is in order."
Felix eyed him up, "Oh really, what did you have in mind?"
Tyler groaned, "Pin-ups...of us in not only the outfits we sent each other, but some other ones as well." He then looked directly at Felix, "This is partially your fault, you shouldn't have told me that she scared you or worn the outfit to the party. You ticked her off, and that's why Juan has her whip."
"And because of that." Juan wickedly smiled as he handed Felix the Scorpion outfit, "I'll make sure to take good care of the kitten..."