Hello there, scarecrows in the pumpkin patches and geese in the skies, welcome to November! The leaves are dropping like the temperature as we prepare for the last hurrahs of the harvest season and the start of the holidays. However, something threatens to ruin our latest Thanksgiving (besides the burned stuffing).
A new variant of neutralizer was whipped up to test on peskier artifacts. There was a glimmer of potential at first, until agents realized it only delayed the effects. In fact, they appeared stronger and even weirder when forced to bottle up their energy. Whatever the case, the latest batch was meant to have a little saved for testing and the rest incinerated. Unfortunately, the mix was accidentally dumped into the main works.
Now the Warehouse resembles more of a madhouse. Artifacts are randomly activating, behaving erratic and threatening to compromise the structure of certain areas. Now we must go through the stacks, one by one, and individually capture them. Any neutralizer will worsen the situation further, so the task is to capture frenzied denizens with whatever artifacts you can find along your frolic. Woe is you! But as an upside, we now have a handheld interface to help identify the cataloged artifacts wandering the aisles. Remember your training and field expertise, for things are about to get gooey.
- The Château de Madrid Majolica normally just shimmers with mystifying patterns that entrance onlookers. It seems to be sparring with Antoni Gaudí's Chisel after it got separated from the accompanying trencadís. Normally, the tiling would prevent the chisel from destabilizing the structure of whatever it contacts. Now, it’s releasing the patterns onto shelves and making them precariously sway back and forth, all filled with artifacts.
- Henry Moseley’s Spectrometer: The surrounding particles in the air will become excited and move around, pushing any mess into organized patterns. Known to cause nearby raw materials to transmute directly into other elements higher on the periodic table, releasing large amounts of light and radiation in the process.
- Use Joseph Aspdin's Portland Cement or Hydraulic Lime from Eddystone Lighthouse as a fixative to lessen the shelves swinging.
- Mathias Zdarsky’s Ski Bindings have been overturned for a while. Normally, this wouldn’t be cause for alarm, as they tend to flip and tumble by themselves. However, they’ve been supercharged to the point of producing a tremendous amount of snow, which is quickly piling up and engulfing neighboring sectors. The presence of Donn Beach's Cocktail Umbrella isn’t helping either, which is incrementally melting some of the bottom layers into ice and creating avalanche ready conditions.
- Wilhelm Voigt’s Army Uniform has become animated, moving as if it were occupied by a real person. Typical of its nature, the suit has tried to convince several artifacts to follow its own command. Agents last reported seeing it drenched and tattered, running towards the Statue from Trajan’s Column and knocking over Henri Moissan's Fluorine in the process. The figure talks when exposed to biographical records and personal effects, speaking an exaggerated history of the subjects lives, while the fluorine can enhance any chemical property along with its own magnitude of lethality. It must be apprehended quickly, we don’t want another Vesco Fiasco to occur.
- James II's Great Seal of the Realm: Tossed into the River Thames by a fleeing James in an attempt to destroy it, hoping it would lead to a collapse of government, after he was dethroned when Protestant deserters defected to William of Orange. When William convened with Parliament, Parliament declared that as a result of his disposal of the Seal, James had effectively abdicated the throne and left it vacant in his wake, allowing William to take over with his wife, James' daughter.
- Walter Tirel's Bow and Arrow: While out hunting with William II, an active hunter himself, Tirel let loose a wild shot in an attempt to down a passing stag. Rather than hit the intended animal, it struck William in the chest and pierced his lung, killing him. Some suspect foul play, while others believe it was an Act of God to end the reign of a wicked king.
- Either artifact would have the ability to effectively remove any authoritative power its target possesses, thereby severing the uniform's control over the other artifacts.
- Approach with Pushan’s Lance to avoid exploitation and neutralize.
- Scare them with the actual horrors of war by using one of the Verdun Craters or Dien Bien Phu Trench to traumatize it. But only do so while wearing Tom Crean's Polar Medal and preventany possible trauma to the user. The lingering numbness can be treated with Ernst Chladni's Plate. They sense vibrations instead of physical touch, with only a minimal amount of dust particles circling the user as a downside.
- Apply Isaac Jogues’s Liturgical Comb, which normally forces the wielder to absorb the pain and misery of anybody they pass. When placed in proximity to a legitimacy accounting artifact such as Jean Mabillon's Seal, its ruse will be revealed and have no reason to continue its troublemaking .
- Pappus of Alexandria’s Hexagon has gone wild! First off, it’s grown to be several meters large when it was just a palm sized figure. The whole shape is pinwheeling around like it’s on the hunt for something. Also, did we mention its slicing whatever it touches into pieces using carefully measured angles? We might need a bigger net for this one.
- Hon'ami Kōetsu’s Lacquer Box, Carlo Pellegrini’s Spats and Arthur Stace’s Chalk have all been competing against each other, turning the surrounding area into writing, art and back again. Although relatively calm, the area of effects is growing increasingly large with every transition, threatening to turn the Atelier and Writer’s Alley into scribbles.
- Gustavus Franklin Swift’s Refrigerator Car is barreling through the second focal atrium, activating temperamental artifacts left and right. Wiley Post’s Pressure Suit was ruffled in the chaos, and it appears hellbent on summoning a tornado.
- Lela Hartman's Storm Cellar Doors/Scarf: Lela Hartman was 4 years old when she survived the deadliest tornado in U.S. history, the 1925 Tri-State Tornado, hiding in her grandparents' storm cellar. In 1999, although the farm the cellar was on had been sold, she had the chance to visit the shelter once more. In an interview with her grandson, she expressed the belief that one day technology would reach the point where it could remotely calm down or even halt tornados entirely, like a turnkey. Capable of rapidly ending storms from a distance.
- Walter H. Thompson’s Telegram and Ephialtes’ Worry Stone are having an intense conversation regarding loyalty. The man made and ruined by being Churchill's dogged bodyguard, and the man who betrayed his 300 Greek brethren at Thermopylae. The resulting fires are just the two talking it out.
- The Tomb of Genghis Khan has thankfully remained inert; likewise, no energy signatures have been detected from Tamerlane’s Tomb . A few aisles over, the same cannot be said for Dionysius Exiguus’ Easter Table , Miss Belvedere and Melchisédech Thévenot’s Spirit Level . Their interaction has begun creating bubbles where time has accelerated, slowed down and even reversed at different rates. Many artifacts with heavy religious or American association are rolling towards them, creating a tangle of artifacts.
- Jean Paul-Satre’s Paper Cutter has become more powerful from the recent cleaning fluid spill. Instead of disconnecting sociological and metaphysical connections between people and their values, it’s now removing the effects of nearby artifacts. This should be a good thing, but the amount of static being thrown out seems to render that benefit moot. Also, those same effects are manifesting in nearby artifacts, resulting in weird situations. Last time checked, Caspar Wistar’s Shutters were not raising a coalition of artifacts to conquer the world like Sundiata Keita’s Balafon .
- Steve Pavlina's Bobblehead: Reconnects people to their values, which can recouple artifacts back to their properties and disable the paper cutter.
- Wonderful, the ballast has gotten loose! Dave Kunst’s Wagon appears to be trawling across the ceiling. It was probably treading air before it managed to start its slow, inverted trot. This time though, it’s getting a bit too close Thaddeus S.C. Lowe’s Enterprise for comfort. Already creating its own wind, puncturing the skin could release a rain of toxic, carbon monoxide laced water gas. And then there’s the remote chance it might bring an ongoing battle or firefight onto the Warehouse floor.
- Somebody, preferably Pete, needs to remove Brian G. Hughes Umbrella from the Schoningen Armory ASAP. The pranks and tricks are still as sly as ever, but deadlier when Hyder Ali’s Mysorean Rockets start playing tag with approaching agents.
- Sid James' Hair Dryer: Although most known for his role as character and comedy actor, when he was younger James had trained and worked as a hairdresser before deciding on comedy. At the age of 62, while doing a comedy revival tour, he collapsed on stage due to a heart attack and died an hour later. When blown, the dryer removes all things funny from its target. Nothing seems funny to them, and they suffer from a complete lack of any comedic ability whatsoever. If not Neutralized in time, the affected will begin seeing the world in an extremely bland, boring way until they lose any and all ability to feel anything positive.